wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
