i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
