Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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