there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
