Umm I'm too high to move.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize