Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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