we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
