Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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