I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
