You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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