my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
