So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
