gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We need to get me chipped asap
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
