i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
