you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im part way to drunk.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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