Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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