You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
