just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
