I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
