Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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