Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
