I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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