my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
