white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he thought i was a dude.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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