I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
