Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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