What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
