That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
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We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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