look no pants
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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