what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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