New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
