Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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