You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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