It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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