she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
