You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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