True but thats because hes a fetus.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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