doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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