she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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