I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
