no, he came in my armpit
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
