I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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