Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
