It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
