She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
