In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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