I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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