dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
