Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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