you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
