Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
