if i can run in heels then i can drive
He passed out mid-signature
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
