He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The beer is more important than you right now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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