UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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