I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She bit a glass in half.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
