dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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