my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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