Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize