Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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