I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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