Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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