i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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