Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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