its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
