Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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