don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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