I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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