No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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