Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
