HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need a burrito and a hug.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
