you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
