There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
