we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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