The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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