Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
