ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Come see our sink grown plant.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
