who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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