there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
