Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
