why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
