his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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